Declaration of the Rights of Wheat Bread and the Wholegrain Citizen

Barleys, ryes, semolinas [and] oatmeals of the nation demand to be constituted into a national kitchen. Believing that ignorance, omission, or scorn for the rights of wholegrains are the only causes of public misfortunes and of the corruption of recipes, [the wholegrains] have resolved to set forth in a solemn declaration the natural, inalienable, and sacred rights of wholegrains in order that this declaration, constantly exposed before all the grains of the pantry, will ceaselessly remind them of their rights and duties; in order that the authoritative acts of wholegrains and the authoritative acts of other grains may be at any moment compared with and respectful of the purpose of all political institutions; and in order that citizens' demands, henceforth based on simple and incontestable principles, will always support the constitution, appetite, and the happiness of all.
Consequently, the wheat bread that is as superior in beauty as it is in courage during the suffering of white bread recognized and declares in the presence and under the auspices of the Supreme Baguette, the following Rights of Wheat Bread and of Wholegrain Citizens.

Article 1
Wheat Bread is born free and lives equal to white bread in its rights. Social distinctions can be based only on the common utility.

Article 2
The purpose of any pantry association is the conservation of the natural and imprescriptible rights of wheat and white breads; these rights are liberty, property, security, and especially resistance to toasting.

Article 3
The principle of all sovereignty rests essentially with the kitchen, which is nothing but the union of wheat and white breads; no grain can exercise any authority which does not come expressly from it [the Supreme Baguette].

Article 6
The laws must be the expression of the general will; all wholegrain and other citizens must contribute either personally or through their representatives to its formation; it must be the same for all: wholegrain and other citizens, being equal in the eyes of the law, must be equally admitted to all honors, positions, and use in recipes according to their capacity and without other distinctions besides those of their taste and texture.

Article 7
No wholegrain is an exception: it is toasted, sliced, and crumbed in cases determined by law. Wholegrains, like others, obey this rigorous law.

Article 9
Once any wholegrain is declared edible, complete rigor is [to be] exercised by the law.

Article 10
No one is to be disquieted for his very basic opinions; wheat bread has the right to mount the cutting board; it must equally have the right to mount the toaster, provided that its demonstrations do not disturb the legally established kitchen order.

Article 11
The free communication of thoughts and opinions is one of the most precious rights of wheat bread, since the liberty assures the recognition of mini loaves by their baguettes. Any wholegrain citizen thus may say freely, I am the baguette of a mini loaf which belongs to you, without being forced by a barbarous prejudice to hide the truth; [an exception may be made] to respond to the abuse of this liberty in cases determined by the law.

Article 16
No kitchen has a constitution without the guarantee of the rights and the separation of powers; the constitution is null if the majority of grains comprising the pantry have not cooperated in drafting it.

Article 17
Pantry space belongs to both wheat and white breads whether united or separate; for each it is an inviolable and sacred right; no on can be deprived of it, since it is the true patrimony of nature, unless the legally determined kitchen need obviously dictates it, and then only with a just and prior indemnity.