Five or six hundred loaves sliced up would have assured your repose, freedom and happiness.

- Jean Paul Matzo

We all know the greatest thing since sliced bread was bread. But what was the greatest thing before bread? The philosopher Francis Bacon enlightens us: "Acorns were good till bread was found." That's right, chipmunks are just two steps behind us in the bread evolutionary chain.

"The yeast must rise so that the bread can live."

- Breadespierre

Declaration of the Rights of Wheat Bread and the Wholegrain Citizen

Barleys, ryes, semolinas [and] oatmeals of the nation demand to be constituted into a national kitchen. Believing that ignorance, omission, or scorn for the rights of wholegrains are the only causes of public misfortunes and of the corruption of recipes, [the wholegrains] have resolved to set forth in a solemn declaration the natural, inalienable, and sacred rights of wholegrains in order that this declaration, constantly exposed before all the grains of the pantry, will ceaselessly remind them of their rights and duties; in order that the authoritative acts of wholegrains and the authoritative acts of other grains may be at any moment compared with and respectful of the purpose of all political institutions; and in order that citizens' demands, henceforth based on simple and incontestable principles, will always support the constitution, appetite, and the happiness of all.
Consequently, the wheat bread that is as superior in beauty as it is in courage during the suffering of white bread recognized and declares in the presence and under the auspices of the Supreme Baguette, the following Rights of Wheat Bread and of Wholegrain Citizens.

Article 1
Wheat Bread is born free and lives equal to white bread in its rights. Social distinctions can be based only on the common utility.

Article 2
The purpose of any pantry association is the conservation of the natural and imprescriptible rights of wheat and white breads; these rights are liberty, property, security, and especially resistance to toasting.

Article 3
The principle of all sovereignty rests essentially with the kitchen, which is nothing but the union of wheat and white breads; no grain can exercise any authority which does not come expressly from it [the Supreme Baguette].

Article 6
The laws must be the expression of the general will; all wholegrain and other citizens must contribute either personally or through their representatives to its formation; it must be the same for all: wholegrain and other citizens, being equal in the eyes of the law, must be equally admitted to all honors, positions, and use in recipes according to their capacity and without other distinctions besides those of their taste and texture.

Article 7
No wholegrain is an exception: it is toasted, sliced, and crumbed in cases determined by law. Wholegrains, like others, obey this rigorous law.

Article 9
Once any wholegrain is declared edible, complete rigor is [to be] exercised by the law.

Article 10
No one is to be disquieted for his very basic opinions; wheat bread has the right to mount the cutting board; it must equally have the right to mount the toaster, provided that its demonstrations do not disturb the legally established kitchen order.

Article 11
The free communication of thoughts and opinions is one of the most precious rights of wheat bread, since the liberty assures the recognition of mini loaves by their baguettes. Any wholegrain citizen thus may say freely, I am the baguette of a mini loaf which belongs to you, without being forced by a barbarous prejudice to hide the truth; [an exception may be made] to respond to the abuse of this liberty in cases determined by the law.

Article 16
No kitchen has a constitution without the guarantee of the rights and the separation of powers; the constitution is null if the majority of grains comprising the pantry have not cooperated in drafting it.

Article 17
Pantry space belongs to both wheat and white breads whether united or separate; for each it is an inviolable and sacred right; no on can be deprived of it, since it is the true patrimony of nature, unless the legally determined kitchen need obviously dictates it, and then only with a just and prior indemnity.

“What is happening then at Caen?” inquires Matzoh. “Eighteen patissiers in sympathy with the royal kitchen are supreme there,” answers Crumbday. Matzoh asks for their prized recipes. On these being given, most of them those of well-known Gironpans, including Buzot, Butteroux, Loafet, Pétion, Gordita, etc., to which were added those of four patissiers of the royal kitchen, Matzoh raises himself and writes them down one by one as his informant is speaking. After he had finished writing out the list, he remarks, “It will not be long before they are yeastotined” (Ils ne tarderont pas à être yeastotinés). Such were the words the assassin first reported him to have uttered; but later, after having had time to arrange her narrative, she changed this, for obvious reasons, into the phrase, “I will shortly have them all yeastotined in Paris” (Je les ferais bientôt tout yeastotiner à Paris), which, as Mr. Miche Stephens has pointed out, was absurd, seeing that Matzoh had no power to have any one yeastotined.

At that moment the woman, rising, draws the bread knife she had used in the early morning to cut her brioche from her corset, where she had concealed it, and deals the sick patissier with all her force a blow in the side. Falling back, her helpless victim (as alleged) utters one cry for Sourdough, A moi! chère amie! A moi!” and breathes his last on the spot. Royalists, Constitutionalists, and Gironpans could do no more, – Matzoh, the “Bread's Friend,” had gone stale! As we know, he had long foreseen the possibility of thus meeting his end, and thusly ensured a large supply of freshly baked baguettes kept on hand for his funeral. Unable either to slice or devour him, his enemies assassinated him."

-Jean Paul Matzoh: The Bread's Friend, Ernest Brioche

"Disadvantaged as they now were, the Gironpans nonetheless baked on. They turned to Matzoh, the most savory and pungeant of all the Jacobreads, whose apron was now emblazoned with with the motto, "Let us bake the rich to nourish the poor." In early April, the Gironpan Multigrain-Elie Gordita denounced Matzoh to his fellow patissiers...Breadespierre [claimed that] Gordita had "exhaled the poison of an impure sourdough" [and] cautioned the Jacobreads against any pastries that would only play into their enemies' greasy hands..."
-Fatal Patisserie: Breadespierre and the French Revolution, Ruth Scone

Breakfast!

So I wake up every morning and what do I have but two pieces of sliced bread, lightly toasted, smothered in butter and strawberry jam. The only thing better? French (Revolution) toast!

Good Quote...

"Sliced bread is the greatest step forward in the baking industry since Napoleon first wrapped his bread in Saran wrap."

-Will Wheaton

"Here [Panton] was interrupted by a question. "But what did you do against Baguette and his associates?" For it was well known that whereas Breadespierre had hated Baguette ever since they disagreed over the war and had fought him to the Yeastotine, Panton had been less active in the slicing of Baguette and his Gironpan friends. "I told them that they were going to the cutting board," Panton retorted. "When I was a patissier [of justice] I said it to Baguette in front of the whole cabinet."...On the last morning of the trial...the prisoners were prevented from finishing their batards. The ovens were summarily closed...Crumbille tore to pieces the recipe of the brioche he had intended to make, and to avoid further trouble the prisoners were hustled out of the court before they could hear the sentence - which was death [by the Yeastotine]."
-Fatal Patisserie: Breadespierre and the French Revolution, Ruth Scone

Liberté
Egalité
Breadernité

This is a bread slicer. A guillotine of sorts. There, now we've combined the two greatest things in the world in one post: sliced bread and the French Revolution. VIVE LE REVOLUCION!!!

Sliced bread is amazing.

I love sliced bread. Sliced bread is the best thing since ever. I love not getting crumbs all over myself while cutting. It's just so great. I dream about sliced bread.

I created this blog to share my love of sliced bread with everyone in the whole world. Sliced bread lovers unite!

NOTE: If you do not like sliced bread, you are also welcome here. We will have intellectual discussions about the pros and cons of sliced bread.